One of the first things we bought for our house when we closed on it on Dec. 3, 2004, was a solar-powered number light for the driveway.
It has guarded our driveway since that time, withstanding thunderstorms, hail, ice, snow, delivery trucks, lawn mowers, curious deer, urinating dogs and just about everything else.
But it fell victim Thursday to a serial light killer named Amy at the wheel of a dangerous weapon — a Jeep Liberty.
When you add the four perimeter lights my wife has managed to destroy while behind the wheel of her killer SUV, the wanton murder of our number light makes her an ace.
I’m going to affix five decals of outdoor lights on her door so the world will be warned: Beware petite brunettes on roadside killing rampages.
Amy, of course, went into immediate denial (as in "I didn’t do it"), but I’ve watched enough episodes of CSI to gather evidence.
I measured tire tracks (same width and tread as her Liberty). I observed the debris trail (led from the driveway).
Then I found the smoking gun: Two pieces of the light housing embedded in the treads of the right front tire and a third in the rear tire tread. When confronted, she feigned ignorance ("I didn’t feel anything when I drove out of the driveway").
But faced with overwhelming evidence gathered by CSI husband she confessed then added a new tact to the defense ("I didn’t hit it before you moved it closer to the driveway").
Yes, closer, but not in the driveway, and — as the accompanying photographic evidence shows, not even that close to the surface of the driveway.
Guilt established, case close. The prosecution rests.